Thinking about separating? What should you do first?

Deciding to separate from your partner can be one of the most difficult decisions you face. Whether the decision has been building for some time or circumstances have changed unexpectedly, it is understandable to feel unsure about what to do next.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to separation, but taking a few practical steps early on can help you feel more prepared and protect your interests as you work out what happens next.

Here are some important things to consider.

1. Think about your immediate living arrangements

One of the first questions many separating couples face is: who is going to live where?

You may decide to remain in the family home temporarily, live separately under the same roof, or one of you may move out.

Try not to make major decisions about the family home without first understanding the potential legal and financial consequences. Moving out does not necessarily mean giving up your rights to the property, but your individual circumstances will matter.

If children are involved, their needs and routines will also need to be considered when making decisions about where everyone will live.

2. Get a clear picture of your finances

Separation can have significant financial implications, so it is sensible to understand your financial position as early as possible.

Start by gathering information about:

• Bank and savings accounts
• Mortgages and other property
• Pensions
• Investments
• Loans and credit cards
• Vehicles and other significant assets
• Income and employment benefits
• Business interests
• Regular household expenses

It can be tempting to make quick decisions about money when emotions are running high. However, getting a clear picture of the overall financial position before agreeing to anything can help you make more informed decisions.

3. Think about arrangements for your children

If you have children, their wellbeing will naturally be a priority.

Try to think about the practical arrangements they may need, including:

• Where they will live
• How much time they will spend with each parent
• School and nursery arrangements
• Holidays and special occasions
• Financial support
• How important decisions about their upbringing will be made

Where possible, keeping communication focused on what is best for the children can help reduce conflict during an already difficult time.

You do not necessarily need to have all the answers immediately. Child arrangements can be discussed and, where appropriate, agreed between parents with the help of mediation or legal advice.

4. Avoid making major decisions in the heat of the moment

Separation can be emotional, particularly if the relationship has ended following an argument or a difficult period.

Before making significant decisions about your home, finances or children, take a step back where possible.

For example, avoid signing agreements, transferring significant sums of money or making arrangements that could have long-term consequences without understanding what you are agreeing to.

If you are unsure, taking legal advice early can help you understand your options before making decisions that may be difficult to change later.

5. Start thinking about the bigger financial picture

It's easy to focus on the immediate practicalities of separation, but there may be longer-term financial matters to resolve too. Depending on your circumstances, this could include the family home, savings, investments, pensions, debts and business interests.

It is important to remember that divorce and financial matters are separate issues. Even if you have agreed to separate or have started divorce proceedings, your financial arrangements may still need to be formally resolved.

A solicitor can explain what needs to be considered in your particular circumstances and help you understand the options available.

6. Consider how you will communicate with your partner

If you are able to communicate safely and constructively, agreeing some immediate practical arrangements can make the transition easier.

However, not every separation is amicable, and sometimes communication can be difficult or inappropriate.

If there is conflict, coercive or controlling behaviour, domestic abuse or concerns about your safety, it is important to seek appropriate professional advice and support. Your safety and the safety of your children should always come first.

7. Get legal advice early

You don't have to wait until you have decided to divorce, moved out or reached a dispute before speaking to a family solicitor.

Early legal advice can help you understand:

• Your rights and responsibilities
• What could happen to your home and finances
• How arrangements for your children could be approached
• Whether mediation or another form of dispute resolution could help
• What steps you may need to take next

Getting advice does not necessarily mean that you are going to court. In many cases, separating couples are able to resolve matters through negotiation, mediation or other forms of dispute resolution.

The benefit of speaking to a solicitor early is that you can make decisions with a better understanding of where you stand.

Separation doesn't mean you have to work everything out at once

If you are thinking about separating, it can feel as though you need to make dozens of decisions immediately.

You don't.

Start with the practical basics: where everyone will live, what your immediate financial position looks like and what your children need. Then get professional advice so you understand the bigger picture before making important long-term decisions.

Every family is different, and there is no single solution that works for everyone.

If you are considering separation and would like confidential advice about your circumstances, our family law team at MBH Solicitors can help you understand your options and the steps you may need to take next.

Contact us on 01942 206060 or email mbh@wigansolicitors.com to arrange a free, 30-minute, no-obligation consultation.

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